Badass Psalms

Someone else created a collection of 'badass' stories from the Hebrew bible.  It is at http://www.cracked.com/article_15699_9-most-badass-bible-verses.html.

The list is pretty good, except it misses out on the story of Yael driving a tent pole through the enemy king Sisera's forehead after he feel asleep.  That's a gem!

I spotted another line in Psalms this morning and, while it is not from the Talmud, thought it worthy of mention here.  Full disclosure:  I've been having some conflicts at work, now happily resolved, and this verse might have resonated more because of the conflicts.

Psalm 58:7-11:  "O G-d, smash their teeth in their mouth; shatter the fangs of lions, o L-Rd.  Let them melt, let them vanish like water.  Let Him aim His arrows that they be cut down, like a snail that melts away as it moves.  Like a woman's stillbirth, may they never see the sun!  Before the thorns grow into a bramble, may He whirl them away alive in fury.   The righteous man will rejoice when he sees revenge; he will bathe his feet in the blood of the wicked.  (JPS translation).

No Surprise this One was Unattributed!

If anyone ever tells you there is no vicious sexism in the Gemara, here is one to throw back at them.  Ugh:

It was taught:  Woman is a waterskin full of manure, her mouth (i.e. vagina) is full of blood, and yet alll run after her.

Tears (Shabat 141b)

There are six kinds of tears, three are healthy and three are bad.  Tears from smoke, weeping, and the toilet are unhealthy.  Tears from medicine, laughter, and spicy food [Rashi: like mustard seed] are healthy.  

Good thing he had his own tailor! Shabat 149b

This is perhaps the strangest thing I've read so far in the Gemara, and that is saying something!  Nebuchadnezzar was a very, very bad king in the Rabbi's eyes as he was responsible for the destruction of the First Temple.  Here is a tale about him:

"Rabah the son of Rav Huna teaches, "We learn that he [Nebuchadnezzar] would throw a lot to determine which king [under his dominion] he would rape each day."  ...Rav Yehudah teaches in the name of Rav: "When that evil one [Nebuchadnezzar] tried to do this [rape] that righteous one [Tzedkeyah, a captive Jewish king], [Nebuchadnezzar's] foreskin was pulled so that it extended 300 cubits (about 300 yards).  

Marital Advice, Shabat 140b

This is problematic but interesting.

Rav Hisda told his daughters, 'Be modest before your husbands.  Don't eat bread in front of them(lest you seem to overeat and be perceived as gross.]  Don't eat green vegetables at night [for they cause bad breath].  Don't eat dates or drink beer at night [for they cause indigestion].  [If one uses the fields for a latrine], don't defecate where your husband defecates [lest you become disgusting to him.]  When someone comes calling, don't ask, 'Who is he?' but rather, 'Who is she?' [so that you don't seem used to male visitors.]

He took a ruby in one hand and clod of dirt in the other.  He showed them the ruby, but kept the clod hidden until [the daughters] troubled him [showing them that something hidden can seem more precious, no matter what its value.]  

Shabat 129a: Not endorsed by the Red Cross

The Rabbis of the Talmud used bloodletting for medical reasons.  Some were big believers in drinking wine after such a procedure:

After bloodletting... Rav Yosef would drink wine until the smell came out of his ears....

All forms of trickery are forbidden, save for the following case.  If one underwent bloodletting and cannot afford wine for recovery, he should take worn out coins, and come and go among the stores up to the point he has consumed a revi'it (Talumdic measure - a cup more or less) of wine.

Rashi explains that it was customary for wine sellers to give customers a taste of wine before buying.  One should go to a wine shop, pretend to be about to buy, take a taste, then offer to pay with a worn out coin.  After the wine shop owner refuses to accept such a coin as payment, one should continue on to the next wine shop, and repeat until the tastes sum up to the measure of wine required to heal from the bloodletting.  

Megilla 25a. One can always put on or take off sweater!

It's been way too long since I posted.  I plead a couple of circumstances - I've been pretty busy plus I haven't come across many sources that have left me feeling inspired to write here.  But it feels good to be back.  I would have been learning Megila tonight with my study partner A. but he is sick.  This is dedicated to a quick and rapid healing for him!

The Gemara states a famous line on the top of the page:  'All is in Heaven's power, except for awe of Heaven.'  It always gives me a little shiver when I read something famous in context.  Tosafot, medieval commentators, have an interesting take on it:

This is a difficult statement, as it written on Page 30a of Tractate Ketubot: 'All is in Heaven's power, except for heat and cold.'  (The unspoken question is: Which is it that is under our control:  awe or heat/cold?)  It appears that the statement in Megilla relates to a person's inheritance, if they will be wise or dumb, rich or poor, strong or weak.   All of these things are decreed, as it is written (Jeremiah, 9) 'The rich person should not take pride in his riches, nor the mighty in his might, but only about this should one brag:  to brag of wisdom and knowing Me' (that is, knowing G-d).   In Ketubot, the statement relates to a person's future situation, things that occur after they are born, for all such circumstances are also under Heaven's control, save for heat and cold.  

There is no contradiction between this statement and Scripture's statement (Psalms 147), 'Who can withstand His cold?' for this refers to G-d sending forth all his cold at once, as it says at the beginning of the psalm, 'He sends forth his cold like crumbs of bread.'  [OK I have to admit I didn't totally get that last paragraph...]   One also need not be troubled by the statement (Psalms 19)  'There is no shelter from His heat,' for Psalms here speaks of travelers, while a person at home can always find shelter from heat.