Killing Desire: Yoma 69b

This is a justifiably famous story. Some of the fine details make it even stranger than the shorter versions I've heard.

Rav, and some say Rabbi Yochanan, said: 'Woe, woe! It [Rashi: the desire to commit idolatry] destroyed our Temple, caused the surrounding structures to be burnt, and led to the death of our righteous people and Israel's exile. After all of this, we still have the desire. Why do we have this desire? Only to obtain a reward for conquering it. We don't want it, or the reward for conquering it!"

A note fell from Heaven that had the word 'Truth' written on it.

(Rabbi Hannina says, we can learn from this note that Holy One, Praised be G-d's signature is 'Truth.' )

After fasting for three days and three nights, power over this desire was given to the Rabbis. At that moment, fire shaped like a lion left the Holy of Holies in the Temple. A prophet said to Israel, "That lion is the desire for idolatry..." When the Rabbis caught this desire, it's hair became loose and it screamed in a voice that could be heard 400 miles away.

The Rabbis said, 'What should we do? We are scared to hurt it lest Heaven have mercy on it [because of its cries.]" A prophet said, "Put the desire for idolatry in a lead container with a lead cap, for lead will block the noise."

...The Rabbis said, "Since this is a favorable time, let us plead for Divine mercy to rescue us from the desire for sexual sins." The Rabbis pleaded for Divine mercy, and were given authority over the desire for sexual sins. A prophet said, "If you destroy the desire for sexual sins, you will destroy the entire world [for reproduction will cease.] The Rabbis imprisoned the desire for sexual sins for three days. They sought out a freshly laid egg throughout all of the land of Israel, but could not find one. [This confirms what the prophet told them - that eliminating this desire would stop reproduction.]

The Rabbis said, "What should we do? If we destroy it, we will destroy the entire world?" They asked to destroy it half-way [Rashi: That a man should desire his wife but no other women.] However, Heaven does not give halves. They painted its eyes with mascara. [As a result of painting desire's eyes], people no longer had sexual desire for their immediate family.

Dangerous Secrets: Yoma 54a

The Rabbis debate whether the Holy Ark, which contains the second set of tablets received by Moses at Sinai, were hidden at the site of the Temple in Jerusalem or taken with the Jews into exile. The following story supports the idea that the Ark stayed in Jerusalem.

A priest was passing the time idly, and saw a part of the floor in the Temple was different than the surrounding floor. The priest went to tell his friend, but died suddenly before he was able to finish the story. They realized that the priest had stumbled on the Ark's hiding place. How had the priest been passing the time? Rabbi Chelbo taught, 'The priest was playing with his hatchet.'

It was taught in the Rabbi Ishmael's study hall: Two priests whose wounds had made them unfit for the main Temple service were working with the woodpile, and one of their axes slipped away and fell in the same spot [as in the other priest's story]. Fire came out and devoured the ax.

Prayer, Rain, and Egoism: Yoma 53a

Rabbi Channina Ben Dosa was traveling on the road, and it started raining. He said, 'Master of the Universe, should the entire world be happy [since the rain benefits crops] and Channia unhappy [since he had to travel in the rain, and had no land that would benefit from the rain.]

The rain stopped.

Channina arrived home, and said, 'Master of the Universe, should the entire world be unhappy and Channina happy?

The rain started.

Spit and Modesty: Yoma 47a

Rabbi Ishmael the son of Kimchit, a high priest during the Second Temple period, was famous for his enormous hands. He also is featured in this very strange story:

Once Rabbi Ishmael the son of Kimchit was speaking with an Arab in the marketplace. Some spittle flew out of the Arab's mouth and landed on the Rabbi's clothes [rendering him unfit for service in the Temple that day.] Y'shevav, Rabbi Ishmael's brother, performed the ritual duties in Rabbi Ishmael's place. Thus, their mother saw two of her sons serve as High Priest on a single day. It is also told that once Rabbi Ishmael the son of Kimchit was speaking with a foreign king in the marketplace, and some spittle flew out of the king's mouth and landed on Rabbi Ishmael's clothing [again rendering him unfit for service in the Temple for a day.] Rabbi Ishmael's brother Joseph served in the Temple in his place, and thus their mother again saw two of her sons serve as High Priest on a single day.

Our Rabbis teach that Kimchit [Rabbi Ishmael's mother] had seven sons, and all of them served as High Priest. The Sages asked Kimchit, 'What have you done to merit such an honor?' She replied, 'The roof of my house never saw my braids.' [That is, she was extremely careful about keeping her hair covered at all times.] The Sages replied to Kimchit, 'Many others have done this, but without the same result.'

We Love Fat Priests: Yoma 47b

As part of many ritual sacrifices in the Temple, a priest would take a handful of flour and sacrifice it on the altar. The Talmud, being the Talmud, wants to know exactly what a 'handful' is. A problematic question is whether any flour left between the fingers after a priest scoops up the flour with his hands is actually part of the handful or something extra. Our sages were unable to determine the status of such flour. Therefore they mandated that, whenever possible, fat priests, whose fingers are chubby enough that no flour gets caught between them, should perform this sacrifice.

Sins and Smells: Yoma 29a

This analogy is so Talmudic that it spans the realms of both the weird and the beautiful.

Rav Nachman said... sexual thoughts are more weighty [chomer in Hebrew, probably meaning a more serious offense] than sexual acts, just as the odor of meat is stronger than its taste.

The Limits to Mercy: Yoma 22b

As was read in last week's haftarah, King Saul was punished for, among other things, not killing the King of Amalek as was divinely commanded.

G-d ordered Saul to exterminate the entire nation of Amalek, including women, children, and animals. The Talmud has Saul disputing the command. As part of his argument, Saul refers to the 'Egla Arufa,' a ritual done when a murder victim is found in the wild, Exodus 21:1-9. It is a rather strange ritual where a cow's neck is broken, and the elders of the nearest city wash their hands over the cow, pleading for expiation. Here's the story:

When the Holy One, Praised be G-d, told Saul, "Go attack Amalek ( I Samuel, 14:3), Saul said, "If the Torah commands us to perform the Egla Arufa ritual for just one dead person, how much more so should we be concerned with an entire nation! Even if the people sinned, what did the animals do? Even if the adults sinned, what did the children do?" A Bat Kol [a divine voice, quoting Ecclesiastes 7:16 ] emerged and stated, "Don't be excessively righteous!"

Saul's argument clearly recalls Abraham arguing with G-d over the destruction of Sodom in Genesis 18. To close with a question: Why does Abraham get such a different response than Saul?

Oaths and Incense: Yoma 19b

The Mishnah states that the Jewish high court would make the High Priest swear on Yom Kippur morning that he would follow all instructions. The Gemara discusses the need for this oath. I find the discussion to especially interesting for reasons that I will explain after the text.

Why [make the High Priest swear this oath]? Lest the High Priest prepare the incense and light it on the outside [of the holiest part of the Temple] and then enter, for this is how the Saducees performed the ritual. [The Saducees were heretics, and this part of the ritual was performed by the High Priest alone.] Our Rabbis teach: Ones a Saducee [who had become High Priest] prepared and lit the incense [outside of the proper location] and then entered [the holiest part of the Temple.] [After completing the ritual] he exited feeling extremely joyous. The Saducee's father encountered him and said, 'My son, even though we are both Saducees, we are fearful of such actions.' [In other words, I hope you did not follow our customs just now!] The High Priest replied, 'All of my days I worried [about our interpretation of biblical verse related to the incense sacrifice]... now that I have the opportunity [to put it into action] how could I give up the opportunity?'

It was taught: Not many days passed before the High Priest died, was thrown in rubbish, and worms came out of his nose. [Note this was the same nose that smelled the prohibited incense.] Others teach that the High Priest was struck down as he exited the Temple, as Rabbi Hiya taught: A voice was heard in the Temple courtyard, and an angel came and kicked the High Priest in the face. The High Priest's fellows came and found a hoof print of a ox between the High Priest's shoulders. [According to biblical verse, angels had ox feet.]

Married for a Day: Yoma 18b

After a number of pages from the Talmud that didn't inspire me to write, I've come to Yoma 18 through 21. Yoma deals with matters related to Yom Kippur, although in typical gemara fashion there are many digressions. These few pages are full of strange, gross, and beautiful things.

The central part of Yom Kippur while the Temple still stood in Jerusalem was the High Priest's performance of multiple rituals. It was very important for him to remain qualified for this duty. If he had a nocturnal emission, he would become ritually disqualified. In order to avoid such a circumstance, rabbis would keep him up all night learning Torah. He would also avoid eating eggs, which were believed to make men more vulnerable to excitement. This inspires the following discussion:

Rav Gidel taught in the name of Rav: Guests at a inn should not eat eggs or sleep in the innkeeper's clothing [as eggs bring on nocturnal emissions, and sleeping in the innkeeper's clothing makes nocturnal emissions more embarrassing for all.]

Rav, when traveling to Darshish, would announce: 'Who will be my wife for a day?' Rav Nachman, when traveling to Scachnetziv, would announce: 'Who would be my wife for a day?' [Note that polygamy was not banned until approximately 1000 c.e. Interestingly, this ban has expired in the last few years! Nonetheless, the Gemara then objects to such a practice. ] It been taught by Rabbi Elizer Ben Yaakov: A man should not have wives in different cities, lest we find a brother unknowingly marry his sister or a father unwittingly marry his own daughter, and we find the whole world populated by offspring of incestuous relationships...

[The Gemara responds to this objection.] Rabbis are famous [and thus their children will identify themselves readily as the offspring of Rabbi so-and-so, and thus not fall unwittingly into incestuous relationships.]

[The Gemara raises a second objection.] A woman must have seven days without menstrual bleeding [before consummation of a marriage]. [Thus how could the traveling Rabbi meet, marry, and consummate a relationship with a woman all on the same day? The woman should carefully check herself for seven days, requiring advance preparation]

[The Gemara presents two responses] The Rabbis would sent messengers ahead to seek out women who could prepare for the seven days before the Rabbi's arrival. As an alternate answer, the Rabbis perhaps simply wanted the company of a woman, without consummating the relationship, for one who has bread in the basket is not like someone without it. [It was forbidden to be alone with women other than relatives, and this permitted perhaps some company without actual relations, perhaps making nocturnal emissions less likely.]

The danger of pairs: Pesachim 110b

I learned part of an extremely long section on superstitions regarding pairs. Things in twos (for example, having two beers rather than one or three) was considered dangerous. It made you vulnerable to both demons and witchcraft. That's right, the Rabbis of the Talmud believed in both.

I found the length and detail of this section a bit tedious (and, well, embarassing), but found it worthwhile when I came upon this statement. 'The general rule is, anyone who is strict [about the superstitions related to pairs], they [the demons and witches] will be strict with him. For anyone who is not strict, they [the demons and witches] with not be strict with him.' Essentially, these things have only the power you give them, or as a someone I know used to say, you live in the world you create.

Staying Faithful: Pesachim 100A

There is a moment in the story of Esther when Haman, the evil villian, knows he is doomed. The moment takes place in Queen Esther's quarters. Queen Esther has just revealed to the King that Haman's evil plan to destroy the Jews would doom both Esther and her entire family. The King, in a fury, stepped out into the garden. Haman threw himself on Esther's bed to beg for mercy. The King returned, spotted Haman on the bed, and thinks Haman's intention while lying on Esther's bed is less than honorable. The King says, "Does he [Haman] want to conquer the Queen, and with me here in the palace!"

Rabbi Yose, generations later, re-used the King's statement in a rather different context. Before we get to the re-use, here is some background: Rabbi Yose and Rabbi Yehuda had a disagreement over whether, in the case when one is eating a meal on Friday afternoon and the beginning of the sabbath occurs while the meal is ongoing, whether one must stop, cover the bread on the table and make kiddush. Rabbi Yose thought this unnecessary, while Rabbi Yehuda thought it obligatory to do so.

One day, in Acco, Rabban Shimon Ben Gamiliel and Rabbi Yose were having a meal on Friday afternoon, and the beggining of the sabbath arrived. Rabban Shimon Ben Gamliel asked Rabbi Yose, "Shall we interrupt our meal and make thereby respect the words of our colleague Rabbi Yehuda?" Rabbi Yose replied, "Each and every day you prefer my position on questions of Jewish law to that of Rabbi Yehuda. Now you want to prefer Rabbi Yehuda's position on this issue? Will you try to conquer the Queen while I am in the house!"

Got milk? Pesachim 87A

One of the stranger lines in the erotically charged Song of Songs is (Song of Songs 8:8) "We have a little sister who has no breasts." The Talmud interprets this in a novel way:

Rebbe Yochanan said, 'This is the city of Elam, which merited to learn Torah, but not to teach it. 'I am a wall, and my breasts are like towers.' [Song of Songs 8:10]. Rebbe Yochanan said, 'I am a wall,' refers to Torah. 'My breasts are like towers,' refers to the sages.

Rabbi Varon, who gives a lesson on this page, says that just as a woman's breasts share the life within it, so too teachers of Torah share life with their students. Just as a woman without breasts doesn't nourish other life, so too those Jews who learn but don't share their learning are not nourishing others. Also, a wall offers some protection, but a wall with towers is much more formidable as a means of defense.

Jewish Civil War: Pesachim 49b

The Talmud makes an major distinction between learned and unlearned Jews. Unlearned Jews are known as 'Am HaAretz,' or 'Land People.' This page of Pesachim makes it clear how big the divide was.

Our Rabbis taught: A man should [even] sell everything he has [in order to] marry the daughter of a great scholar.

If he can't find the daughter of a great scholar, he should marry the daughter of one of the great people of the generation (who concern themselves with charity and community needs).

If he can't find the daughter of one of the great people of his generation, he should marry the daughter of a community leader.

If he can't find the daughter of a community leader, he should marry the daughter of a local charity official.

If he can't find the daughter of a local charity official, he should marry the daughter of a schoolteacher.

However, he should never marry the daughter of an unlearned Jew, for they are slimy reptiles, and their daughters are slimy reptiles, and of them it is said, 'Cursed be the one who has relations with a reptile.' (Deut. 27:21).

[The Talmud details the ignorant Jews' hatred of learned Jews through a recollection of Rabbi Akiva, who started out life without any learning.] Rabbi Akiva said, "When I was ignorant, I used to say, 'Oh, let someone give me a learned Jew and I will bite him like a donkey!'" Rabbi Akiva's students asked him, "Rabbi, why not bite him like a dog, rather than a donkey?" Rabbi Akiva replied, "[The donkey] breaks bones when he bites, while [the dog] does not break bones when he bites."

... It was taught, Rabbi Elizer said, 'If we (scholars) were not necessary for their [the ignorant Jews'] livelihood, they would kill us.

Hotties of the Tanach: Megila 15a

Our Rabbi's teach that the four most beautiful women were Sarah, Avigail (King David's wife, referred to as an ideal wife by the Mishnah), Rahav (a prostitute who saves Israel's spies during their conquest of Jericho), and Esther... Rabbi Issac said, 'Anyone who says "Rahav Rahav,' immediately ejaculates. Rav Nachman said to him, I once said, "Rahav Rahav" and nothing happened to me! Rabbi Issac replied, I was referring only to one who knew her and was acquainted with her.

Good thing he had his own tailor! Shabat 149b

This is perhaps the strangest thing I've read so far in the Gemara, and that is saying something!  Nebuchadnezzar was a very, very bad king in the Rabbi's eyes as he was responsible for the destruction of the First Temple.  Here is a tale about him:

"Rabah the son of Rav Huna teaches, "We learn that he [Nebuchadnezzar] would throw a lot to determine which king [under his dominion] he would rape each day."  ...Rav Yehudah teaches in the name of Rav: "When that evil one [Nebuchadnezzar] tried to do this [rape] that righteous one [Tzedkeyah, a captive Jewish king], [Nebuchadnezzar's] foreskin was pulled so that it extended 300 cubits (about 300 yards).  

Marital Advice, Shabat 140b

This is problematic but interesting.

Rav Hisda told his daughters, 'Be modest before your husbands.  Don't eat bread in front of them(lest you seem to overeat and be perceived as gross.]  Don't eat green vegetables at night [for they cause bad breath].  Don't eat dates or drink beer at night [for they cause indigestion].  [If one uses the fields for a latrine], don't defecate where your husband defecates [lest you become disgusting to him.]  When someone comes calling, don't ask, 'Who is he?' but rather, 'Who is she?' [so that you don't seem used to male visitors.]

He took a ruby in one hand and clod of dirt in the other.  He showed them the ruby, but kept the clod hidden until [the daughters] troubled him [showing them that something hidden can seem more precious, no matter what its value.]  

Shabat 129a: Not endorsed by the Red Cross

The Rabbis of the Talmud used bloodletting for medical reasons.  Some were big believers in drinking wine after such a procedure:

After bloodletting... Rav Yosef would drink wine until the smell came out of his ears....

All forms of trickery are forbidden, save for the following case.  If one underwent bloodletting and cannot afford wine for recovery, he should take worn out coins, and come and go among the stores up to the point he has consumed a revi'it (Talumdic measure - a cup more or less) of wine.

Rashi explains that it was customary for wine sellers to give customers a taste of wine before buying.  One should go to a wine shop, pretend to be about to buy, take a taste, then offer to pay with a worn out coin.  After the wine shop owner refuses to accept such a coin as payment, one should continue on to the next wine shop, and repeat until the tastes sum up to the measure of wine required to heal from the bloodletting.  

Out of Order: Shabat 166a-b

This blog entry is dedicated to the complete healing of Rabbi Hanan Feld of Berkeley, CA.  Rabbi Feld is an amazing inspirational teacher and gentle mensch.  

A rabbinic tradition holds that the Torah, usually thought of as the first five books of the Hebrew Bible, is actually seven books.  Numbers is divided into three sections.  One small section, composed of just 85 words, is considered a book in itself.  Numbers 10:35-36 is familiar to regular synagogue goers for its prominent location in the Torah service:  'When the Ark was to set out, Moses would say: Advance, O L-rd!  May your enemies be scattered, and may your foes flee before you.  When it halted, Moses would say, 'Return, oh L-rd, you who are Israel's myriads of thousands.'  (JPS translation).  This is discussed below:

Our Rabbis taught: 'When the Ark was to set out, Moses would say...'  The Holy One, praised be G-d, put signs (specifically upside down letter nuns)  above and below this section, to tell you that this is not its proper place.  

Rebbe says, this is not the reason (for the symbols), but rather it is an indication that the section is considered a book of the Torah on its own.   This  is in accordance with the intepetation of Rabbi Shmuel in the name of Rabbi Yochanan of this verse  " [Wisdom has build her house] she has hewn her seven pillars."  (Proverbs 9:1)  These are the seven books of the Torah.  [Numbers is thus three books - everything up to Numbers 10:35-36, the section itself, and everything in Numbers after this section.  Add the other four books of the Torah, and this equals seven books.]  This opinion [about Proverbs 9:1) is in accordance with Rebbe.

Who disagrees with Rebbe?  Rabban Shimon ben Gamliel, as it is taught, 'Rabban Gamliel says, in the time to come, this section (Numbers 2-:35-36) will be uprooted from here and written in its proper place.  Why was it moved?  To provide a break between one divine punishment for sin and another.  What is the second punishment?  'The nation was complaining...'  [Numbers 11:1: a section where the Israelites complain about the manna they have been eating, and anger G-d, resulting in a plague.]  What is the first punishment?  'They marched from the mountain of the L-rd...' Rabbi Hama bar Hannina said, They [The Israelites] turned away from G-d. [Numbers 10:33.  Rabbi Hama bar Hannina interprets this unusual name for Sinai as a spiritual turning away from G-d, which presumably had bad consequences.]  What is the proper place for this section?  Rav Ashi says, in the flags [a section at the beginning of Numbers describing the configuration of the Israelite camp.]

 

Shabat 108a: This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship...

Rav and Shmuel are two of the most famous sages of the Gemara.  The Talmud is full of their disputes.  Below is the story of how they met.

Shmuel and Karna (a friend of his) were sitting by the bank of the Malka river.  They saw the water was cloudy and full of waves.  Shmuel said to Karna, 'There is a great man coming from Eretz Israel.  He is in digestive distress, and the waves are rising up to meet him.  Go and test his knowledge.'

[Karna finds this great man, Rav, and asks him some questions about biblical exegesis.  After his last question, Karna asks for a clarification that betrays the fact that Karna himself is knowledgeable, and was testing Rav.]  Rav asked Karna, 'What is your name?'  Karna said, 'Karna.'  Rav said, 'May it be [G-d's] will that there be a thorn [which sounds like 'Karna'] in your eye.'  [Our sages explain that Rav was mad because he was tricked into being tested.]  Finally, Shmuel invited Rav into his home and fed him barley bread, fish mash, and beer, but didn't tell Rav  where the bathroom was, in order that Rav's insides should be purged [of the source of digestive distress.  Shmuel was a doctor. ]  Rav [not knowing that this was meant to cure him], cursed and said, 'Whoever caused me this distress will not be survived by his own sons.'  And so it came to pass.